So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize