maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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