Define "chronic" masturbator.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
