i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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