For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
