I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
tell me about the eggs
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