Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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