On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
