Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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