PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found the puke drawer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
