bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
