i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
