It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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