I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
