My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
