like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
