Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life is so much better after having sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
