I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How external is "for external use only"?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
