I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
