I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
