remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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