so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
