Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
