Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
