By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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