Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
