It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
