i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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