Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
