Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
