I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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