help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
