Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
