The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
