i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
