just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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