yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
