I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
