i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
