I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
