i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize