i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
