i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
