Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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