Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
