Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
the raccoons are back...
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