Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
