i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize