I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
