dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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