i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
