I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
