He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
