i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
