It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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