just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize