I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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