opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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