It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm always down for nudity.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
