Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize