I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
