Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
bring money and cleavage
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just pee around me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
