I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
