sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize