I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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