Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
