I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
