Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
