Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
