Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
