instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is my gift to your gina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
