He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
