well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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