Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
