I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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