Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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